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The Way of Humiliation

30 August
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I'm a 29-year-young man living in the depths of northern Minnesota, under a pile of snow between some trees. Tarps keep the snow off my computer and my musical instruments. I sleep in a beautiful four-post bed of pine needles with a nice blue tarp covered with snow for a roof. I procure all necessary electricity to run my systems from a row of large potatoes and lemons wired in parallel. To make ends meet, I peddle ice cubes to local drinking establishments. There are many local drinking establishments, so I make a slightly dull, tarnished penny, but at least it's a REAL penny.
I aspire to become a wizard of the highest order. At the moment I'm teaching myself to levitate. It's a daunting task, trust me, but I work at learning every day. I've managed to levitate just long enough to click my heels TWICE before landing again. Soon I figure I'll be a full-fledged levitator.
I'm looking for a woman of my stature, demeanor, and hopefully choice. I'm not picky but the woman must at least like men and have an aversion to shoes and socks, and especially sandals with socks, for they are a terrible and pointless combination indeed. Oh, and she should like snow, too.